i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
