I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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