Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
