My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
