Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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