going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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