i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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