My hair reeks of homosexuality.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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