i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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