God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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