there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize