There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
