I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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