My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
