he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
