If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
