You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
