I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
