Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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