Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can I color on your dick again?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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