Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
