I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
