It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
