Ambien. No doubt about it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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