I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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