see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
