i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
