I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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