I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
