her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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