Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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