been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
