Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Randomize
