buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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