so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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