I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
