I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
