oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bet he comes in French.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
