My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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