A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
