i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
