As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
