I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
