If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
