Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
