it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
