Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize