Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
