Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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