Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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