This is not my ceiling
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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