Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
