He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize