you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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