The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
