Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
