Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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