wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
