I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
PANTIES FOUND
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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