The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
