I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
