i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
