He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize